Some Context

 

First year of college, I began asking why. 

 

Since the 5th grade, I had worked so hard in a college preparatory environment to get a stellar GPA, to do well on standardized testing all so I could get into a high ranking college.

 

Then I got to this college.

 

One afternoon as I was walking along Davis Field to the library a question came blaring in.

 

It said, “so what are we doing here?”

 

Looking around at the trees, feeling the wind, I smiled and listened to the next thought that followed: “To get a good education.”

 

“So…. A good education? What’s that going to do for me?”

 

“Make you smart. Set you apart. Ensure your success.”

 

“But, the classes I’m in…. they are fine but like there is nothing to them.”

 

At this time, I was questioning my education. Questioning grades. GPA. Questioning why I work so damn hard… for what?

 

I was deconstructing my motivation for being at school.

 

I worked hard. I did well. I got the grades I wanted.

 

But I couldn’t shake this feeling of temporary satisfaction.

 

First semester freshman year and I was questioning why.

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Deciding "I Want to Write!!"

 

Due to how painful it was to write my freshman year divisional history paper, I decided that I would take Academic Writing the following semester. And thank goodness I did!! I came into this class with the mission of becoming a good writer. What I learned is that there is really no such thing as a standard package for good writing. However, there is effective writing and this depends on whether the writer accomplishes their purpose, speaks to their intended audience etc.

 

This class was also a place where we looked at the workings of our own writing. With this, I began to ask similar questions that I was asking myself about my education: so what? Who cares?

 

More than anything in this class, I felt encouraged. In high school I held onto this self-concept that “I am not a good writer”…. “my work is not good enough." In this first writing class, Professor Giovanelli encouraged me to write, to share, to question. And I thank her because she not only motivated me to try the writing minor, but she also supported that writing can be a place where we get to question the foundation of what we think has meaning. 

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Writing Development

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I could talk about what I learned in each class, how I grew. But the gist is:

 

• Writing is so much more than just academic writing. I was able to experiment with various forms of business writing from case studies to finance memorandums, personal narratives to podcasts to writing about my writing.

 

• Professors that are supportive and encouraging are the best thing ever. Whether they knew it or not, each one of my writing professors was so encouraging helping to loosen the grip my inner critic had on me.

 

• WORKSHOP WORKSHOP WORKSHOP. So much growth and development from reading my peers work to hearing what they had to say about my own.

 

 

Academic Writing Process

 

 My academic writing process goes like this:

 

“Ahh I have no idea how I am going to answer this”

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Broad Outline

 

 

 

 

Collect Evidence

 

 

 

Free Write

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Pluck the Good Stuff

 

 

 

Edit it WAY DOWN

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Paper

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Like anyone, staring at a blank screen with a prompt right next to you is freaky…. Especially when you have no idea what to say.

 

What I learned is when in fear, write a shitty first draft.

 

A lot of my academic based writing has come from asking the inner critic to go away by just typing. TYPE TYPE TYPE.

 

My shitty first drafts are truly shitty first outlines. After I collect evidence is when I go for a real and true SFD.

 

I realized that I do really well with editing my content down. So I’ll just type, then pluck the good stuff, organize, and edit.

 

The pros to this process are:

• the inner critic has no space to deter me from doing my assignment

• There is space for a really cool idea or connection to come through that probably would not have if I felt more constrained

 

The cons to this process are:

• There is a lot of information, like a LOT so most of the ideas are not even used

 

If there is a magic solution to how I can write the perfect things right away, I am all ears!!! But until then, I have found that this process works well for me.

 

 

Creative Writing Process

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I need some pressure and I need a deadline.

 

Otherwise, I will keep imagining what could be cool to write about rather than actually write it.

 

On my phone, I probably have over 500 recordings and notes of cool poem ideas I thought about on the airplane or cool narratives that I thought about on my way to school. When inspiration hits I will jot it down, but then I never do anything with it.

 

So school has actually been great for my creativity.

 

The professor will hand out a prompt. My immediate reaction is always a sunk stomach with no immediate inspiration (as if I need to know what I want to say and how I am going to say it RIGHT NOW hahah).

 

If I pull out the pen and paper too early to think of an idea, I get frustrated real quick.  It’s always painful.

 

So instead, I let my brain do the work in the background. As I walk to class, I may see a tree and think about its changing leave and how I don’t want change…. and how that's a core theme in my life (well at the time sophomore year).... OH cool maybe I could write about that!!!

 

When inspiration hits is when I will start writing. I’d either pull out the notes on my phone or speak into the recorder on my phone and transcribe later.

 

But what do I do if that inspiration is not quite clear?

 

Then, night before the draft is due, I would think “KAYLA JUST WRITE ABOUT SOMETHING  WRITE ABOUT ANYTHING  JUST WRITE SOMETHING SO WE CAN TURN IT IN”.

 

This was sometimes frustrating but also it was cool because I never really had any attachment to my drafts, especially for Art of the Personal Essay. In workshops, I was always asking for more and more feedback. Plus it was always fun to hear what stood out to other people. I LOVE SUPPORT IN THE PROCESS!!!

 

For example in my essay “you have one day left to live.”, Professor Smith commented that he liked the imagery of younger me in church school imaging that heaven looked like a pool and me floating in it with lemonade. That phrase is what inspired the form and content of the rest of the piece.   

 

In my poetry class, we’d have drafts for workshop due every Sunday afternoon, so you’d catch me Sunday morning thinking “ok so what am I going to write about today.”

 

The pressure is so good because then I don’t have to sit with the nagging voice in my head for too long that says: “so how you going to do this?”. I just do it.

 

Where does creative inspiration come from?

 

A lot had to do with exigence. I couldn’t think too much about what I wanted to write about, I had to feel. Then I had to feel into whether the inspiration would sustain me to keep working on it.

 

My personal narratives all came from a place of  emotions I was experiencing at the time that the assignment was in process.

 

In my poetry class, I learned that I can use so much more than just my brain and past experiences for creative inspiration. That I can literally use anything around for inspiration.

 

For example, one of our poetry assignments was based off of techniques used in a book where the author played with the sounds of words and double meanings of  words. For my poem “let in letting-go”, I got out a blank sheet of paper, pulled up a list of quotes I really liked on my phone and filled pages with words I liked. Sometimes the words carried an energy behind them that felt like “use me”…. so I wrote them down not knowing what the heck I could get from them. With each word, I  started playing around with words that it reminded me of, words that could  be broken apart and used to mean a few different things. Then I circled the phrases that I really liked and put it all together.

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In our third poetry assignment, we had to pick a piece of art and write a poem from that. I roamed around Benson and was struck by a photo of a strong yet weighed down woman. Looking closer, she had tears in her eyes. Reading the plaque, she was a refugee. From there I was able to just describe what I saw in her.

 

In my college creative writing, I pulled a lot from my own curiosities of the brain, the ego, thought patterns. I want to see what more layers can come through by writing from the perspective of other characters like what the art would say if it  became animated or what the trees would tell you if they could speak?

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Letting it Be.

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As I re-read these pieces to choose which ones I would showcase, the editor in me was screaming to make them all perfect before making anything public. But that would defeat the purpose. 

 

All of this writing is not perfect.

 

To re-edit all the grammatical errors, all the overstuffed metaphors, all the sentences that provoke a “uh?????”would be to change these pieces into the writer I am now… and that’s just not the point of this!

 

So, I am letting these pieces be as they are markers of the writer I have been. 

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Thank You!

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Thank you to all my wonderful professors for sharing your knowledge and encouragement. Thank you to all my peers who commented and edited my drafts.

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